Learning to deny myself is hard. I’ve always lived in a world where what I thought/felt/knew/understood/imagined was my guiding principle. Moving to a life where I call on God to fill me with His desire seems like a much better way to live but I still try to interject what I think God would be happy with.
I’ve told people that God wants them to act, not just sit around and wait on Him and that’s still kind of true but I don’t think I was ever really waiting on Him. I thought I knew what God would want and I did it…or I did what I felt like was right or fair to me.
I want to live differently. I am trying to follow a path where I wait to hear from God and then try to act according to what I am led to, not what I create. It tries my patience and sometimes, I go back to my old routine of doing what I think is best. It’s a hard habit to break and one I know the evil forces around me don’t want me to break.
I want to press on, even when it’s difficult. There have been days where I felt alone, like God wasn’t there to guide me and then something happens that I know is His reminder that He is at work, not in my time but His.
I want to live for Him. I want to walk away from my thought processes of the past and move to a paradigm that is centered around God. Something I was reading earlier made the comment that we sometimes have to leave what is familiar to truly find God. We have to break out of our routine and go to a place that is new, maybe uncomfortable, so that we will cling to God and grow in Him. I’m ready to make that trip. I don’t do it thinking it will be all smiles and sunshine but knowing there will be things that stretch me and challenge me but I will have all I need to overcome them…and all I have to do is call on God and trust in His glory and goodness to carry me through.