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I’ve tried to be on a gratefulness track.  What I mean is that I am trying to live intentionally grateful for the good things in my life instead of so easily seeing the negative.

It doesn’t always work.

The preacher at our church is currently teaching on lament.  Google defines lament as “a passionate expression of grief.”  This afternoon has been full on lament for me.  I’m dealing with someone who has the ability to rip my heart out time after time.  (I can explore the ideal of me letting that happen another time.)  Today was no different and lament was in full swing.  Tears flowing.  Shouting at God.  No, SHOUTING at God.  Why?  Why?  What’s the purpose?  What I have done to have to endure this?  What haven’t I done that is causing me to have to endure this?  Where are you?  Why don’t you stop it?  Why don’t you act in ways that stop people from doing what they want without regard for anyone else?

Yes, I asked what the problem was and if there was another alternative.  The response was simply “I don’t want to do anything for you.”  Now, if it was feeding my dog or checking my mail, no big deal.  When it comes to what I love the most on this earth, and that is known by the other party, well, what the #$%^ God?

Yeah, my passionate expressions of grief can get pretty brutal.  I’m trusting God to understand how bad I hurt right now, to keep me safe and to confine my sharp tongue to my blog and no one else.  I’m trusting God to give me space to get through this and to return to gratefulness for the time I do have with my kids instead of being focused on the time that has been robbed from me.

I can’t stop what other people say to them.  I can’t stop their pain from the biting words they hear.  And that hurts all the more.  A dad wants to protect and defend.  It just doesn’t work that way all the time though.

At some point, I will talk to God and ask for His help in returning to a state of gratefulness.  I’ll thank Him for all the blessings I have.  For now, I still have some passionate expressions of grief to discuss.

Grace and peace.

And maybe a wallop with the 2X4 on those who try to steal it.