I always like The Clash song asking should I stay or should I go? It’s a question I have had so many times in various situations. I feel like I’m in one now. Do I stay the course I’m on, attempting to do the things I want to do or do I go towards a more conservative course, one where my dreams may get squeezed, my hopes blanketed?
It’s not an easy question. Of course, I have many people willing to weigh in and I appreciate their thoughts but they are sometimes just as confusing. One friend yesterday advocated one thing that takes the wind out of my sails but makes fiscal sense. Another friend advocated pursuing my dreams, trusting that the risk is worth the reward…buy a little scary.
In the meantime, I feel like my life is momentarily on hold. Maybe that isn’t a bad thing but it is frustrating at times. There are things I want to do, things I want to say and I hesitate because of fear that my present situation may work against me. Fear stinks.
On the other hand, the fear is just one side of the coin with the other being hope. Hope for what I can almost visualize. Hope for what may be. Hope for better days and dreams fulfilled.
I still await the booming voice from the mountaintop telling me I am on the right path…or where the right path can be found. Waiting…waiting…waiting. No booming voice.
Today, I carry on towards the dream. Tomorrow, I share time with my precious daughter. Friday, I look into a more conservative, seemingly responsible solution. Saturday, more time with my daughter and, I am sure, much reflection of what today and Friday bring to my mind and my heart.
God, in case it works for you, I’d love to hear a booming voice on Saturday.
Grace and peace.