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Darkness before the dawn?  Rain before the sunshine?  Storm before the calm?

I’m in a place in life I don’t understand and I don’t particularly care for.  At least in my way of thinking.  Today, I keep wondering what God is thinking.  His ways are not my ways.  His thoughts are not my thoughts.  I was reading Jesus Calling (thank you Sarah Young!) this morning and this sentence is hanging with me, “The secret of being thankful is learning to see everything from My perspective.”  Seeing things thorough God’s perspective is a gift I haven’t mastered yet.  I can look back and see it but seeing it in the here and now is difficult.  I told a friend the other day I wish God would hand me the script so I would know the ending and then I would patiently wait.  Of course, that’s probably not true either.

As I sit here today, trying to understand God’s perspective, I try to remember that He didn’t give me a journey of living in the Middle East, He didn’t give me the journey of a crippling disease, He didn’t give me the journey of being imprisoned, He didn’t give me a lot of journeys that seem so hard.  On the other hand, He is giving me a journey of waiting and wondering.  How long?  Will I be able to meet the obligations, financial and otherwise, I told people I would meet?  Today, waiting and wondering is my journey.  And I will be thankful this day.  That doesn’t mean I won’t miss some of the good things He has put in my life or that I won’t feel loneliness or sadness.  It just means in those times today, I will try to stop and see it from God’s perspective and try to understand what He wants me to see and feel and know today.

I share my scariest thoughts here but it is good for me to release them.  Today, I want to release those scary thoughts into God’s hands and see what He wants to do with them and with me.

Grace and peace.

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