I’ve been reading in the Psalms lately and focusing on passages about taking refuge in God. It’s where I want to take refuge but I still feel like I’m standing in the rain with no cover over me.
I want to have peace and even gratefulness with my present situation. I just want out. I don’t like it. I don’t like the way I feel people look at me and talk about me when I’m not around. I don’t like all the advice for what I should do. I don’t like not knowing what I should do and think all the advice is great but don’t have enough time in the day to do all the things people tell me I should do.
Journeys aren’t easy. I was telling a friend recently how proud I was to raise kids who could travel 12 hours in a day and only need to stop twice. I want to speed along and get to where I’m going. A couple of breaks for gas, for food and to take care of business and we are off and running again. I wonder how I will think about my next vacation. Heck, I wonder if there will ever be another vacation but I digress.
I am blessed to have some good friends who stay positive around me. Friends who tell me they are praying for me. Friends who know something is coming. Friends who believe in the good. I need that because it’s easy to see and hear and believe the bad. Easy.
One of my greatest challenges in a time like this is falling away from God. It’s easy to think he has forgotten me and seek comfort in things that are not of God. I’ve spent a lifetime doing it and old habits are hard to break. Maybe that’s why I am in this desert place. Maybe it’s my time to decide whether I am going to break old patterns and seek God or stay in my regular patterns and simply acknowledge God. For me, that is quite the battle.
God, please get me out of here soon. I don’t like it. I’m afraid. I’m lonely. I feel lost and forgotten. Please God, lead me back to high ground. Give me favor. Show me my purpose and turn me loose. Please God, get me out of this sad, dark place.
Grace and peace.