Before I jump into the meat of the post, I have to point out that the old Hee Haw song was actually “Gloom, Despair and Agony On Me” and I used the word pain incorrectly. I’ll let the Hee Haw aficionado who pointed it out to me rename anonymous for now.
I am blessed with a wealth of friendships built on connectedness with God. I don’t know how or why I these people are so helpful to me but I give thanks for Bart, Everett, Dennis, Jason, Rick, Rick, Jacob, David, David, Joe, Jerry, Dan, Derrick, Jeff, John, Josh, Brad and the list could go on. These men have a special place in my heart. One of them, Joe, was talking to me a couple of weeks ago. I told him about the place I was in and he told me about a time he was on a 40 day water fast. Yes, no eating for 40 days. Anyway, on this day he said he laid in the floor, weak and feeling like he couldn’t go another inch, and cried out to God to either bring him home or give him a new word. A good word. A God word. He then prayed that prayer for me. I am so ready for a new, good word from God. A word of revelation. A word of hope.
The day after I talked to Joe I had an old acquaintance get in touch with me about a possible job he thought was a good fit for me. I got so excited because it combined two areas that are passions and was a position that would let me achieve levels I think I am ready to achieve. Then it’s back to waiting and silence. I got a call for a phone interview today. The position pays 30% of what I make now. Tough.
People keep telling me I’ll look back and understand. I look back at the last 10 years right now and I still don’t understand. I accept it as reality but I don’t understand why God allowed it. I see possibilities for my future that are so much greater but I don’t know why I had to go through what I did to get here. All that to say I’m not sure I’ll ever understand but I do want to be able to accept what I have today and see hope for tomorrow. I have a relationship that fits that description perfectly. I hope to soon have a career that does also.
Joseph is the word I have had the last two days. Separated from his family for 17 or 18 years. He earned favor with his captors and became a man of power. I love the story but I am not sure I will make it 17 years. I’m not sure I’ll make 17 more days. Regardless, the story of Joseph is a powerful story about what God can do. I’m praying Joseph’s way out of captivity will be my way out sooner rather than later.
Then there’s Bart. Bart drove 6 hours round trip to see me and to come lift my spirits. Friend is a good word. Brother is a God word. Bart is certainly a good friend but he is my brother. I love him dearly and so thankful that he has found a relationship that edifies him and encourages him. I see it and it reminds me of the hope I have today.
The other day I got to share a little of my faith with the janitor at work. Today she asked me more about it. It was an indirect question but I could tell what she was fishing for and it was a good conversation. I’m so glad she is improving and getting her life turned around.
So, in the midst of my “crisis” there are good words and there are God words. I want to soak them in and live in them until my situation improves. I hope that means returning to be with the people I love very, very soon. I hope that means a job that fills me up. I hope that means more opportunities to share a good word and lots of God words with people. Until then, I hold onto Psalms of David. I hold onto Job. I hold onto Joseph. I hold on and I cry out to the all-powerful God.
Grace and peace.