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I recently ate at a place called Rock Bottom.  It was pretty good food and the server was good and it made for a positive experience overall.  The name, Rock Bottom, is stuck in my head today but it has nothing to do with food.  I feel like I have been to rock bottom before and some recent events make me feel like I am there again in one part of my life.  My financial situation is stark.  I am close to rock bottom and I honestly do not know the way out.  Oh sure, I know some steps I need to take but I cannot fathom the whole picture right now.  The whole picture.  That is one of my challenges at times as a perfectionist and it can hinder me from getting to where I need to be financially (as well as spiritually and emotionally).

I am fortunate because I have the love of a VSW.  She is a rock and she inspires me to keep my chin up and keep slugging.  She listens to me when I am down and stays level even though I know it is hard for her to hear what I have to say at times.  She is a special gift.  I also read this quote today and it made me think of her, our relationship and my current financial position.

“Everyone creates realities based on their own personal beliefs. These beliefs are so powerful that they can create [expansive or entrapping] realities over and over.” ~Hope Bradford

I can create the reality that life is over, doomed, at rock bottom and never to return or I can choose to face the facts, accept them and look for the changes I can make to get where I want to be.  It starts with me.  I take responsibility for where I am today.  While there are many factors that have affected my current position, there are also many choices I have made that have led me here today.  So, I get to start choosing how to reverse this situation.  No doubt a better job will help.  No doubt cutting some unavoidable expenses will help.  No doubt there are many places I can trim but there are also some obligations I have that I cannot avoid.  It’s a big ball of stuff and I can control what I can control.

Today I am choosing to create a reality that says my life is hard but there are good things I will continue to fight for and there are obstacles I will continue to overcome.  I am choosing that reality but it doesn’t mean I will not struggle along the way and I accept that too.  My reality is not “I will do this or else” but “I will do the best I can today” and stay positive that things will change as I put in the effort to change them, as I rely on people around me to help and certainly as a pray for wisdom and guidance and revelation.

I have created many bad realities.  I do it to other people as well as myself.  Today I want to break that mold and move forward with hope.  There may be tears along the way and I may stumble and fall but the reality is I will keep going forward no matter what comes my way.  I have too much to live for, too much to fight for, too much that is good and worthy.  I am learning that from a VSW and I am thankful she is the one in my life who is radiating that hope into me.

Thank you God for struggles that make us rely on you and the people you put in our lives to help.  Thank you for the gift you have given me and the gifts I trust you will continue to give me.  Thank you for the greatest gift, your Son.  Amen.

Grace and peace.