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“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” ~William S. Burroughs

When I want answers, I want them now.  I do not want to wait.  I do not want to be calm.  NOW!!!

One of my counselors once asked me the attributes of God.  I went straight to grace and love and such and his one word response was “slow”.  It stopped my whole thought process.  Slow?  Really?

I have been on a journey with lots of questions and none of the answers have come fast.  Oh, I was ready for fast answers, or so I thought, but being ready and getting them isn’t the same thing.  I’ve been on a job hunt for 2 years and there have been several times I knew “it was the one” only to see it slip away for one reason or another.

My challenge is learning to relax and be patient.  Now, I can certainly preach that message to others and have more than once.  It’s easy when I’m not the one emotionally invested.  However, when it’s me, when it’s my bank account, when it’s my family issues, there is no time to wait because I need to know NOW.

Through my years of counseling, I have come to accept that the majority of answers to my problems will come from my own mind, it just takes time.  Sometimes having those people who are neutral parties to talk it out with help and sometimes sitting under a large oak tree and clearing my mind is what I need.  And time.  It takes time sometimes.

I am thankful for answers that are coming to me right now.  A new job.  A new life with an incredible woman.  Returning to where my strongest relationships live.  Answers have been coming and the timing is remarkable.  The fact that I wanted answers two years ago is drowned about by the realization that maybe the best answers are the answers I am getting today.  Two years ago this job didn’t exist.  Two years ago I didn’t know my VSW.  Two years ago I didn’t appreciate a lot of little things I appreciate now.

Breathe.  Close my eyes.  Breathe.  Smile.  Trust.  Breathe.

Grace and peace.