Parenting is on my mind today. The joys of parenting. The struggles of parenting. The victories and the failure of parenting.
I was talking with a good friend last night who was struggling with their role and effectiveness as a parent. It conjured up so many thoughts I have had as a parent. I wish I knew then what I know now and even now I feel like a ineffective, incompetent parent at times. I look at my kids and know I did a pretty good job. That’s hard to say because I look at so many things I wish I had done differently and wonder how they survived me but I think most parents, like me, can see the failings of our actions/inactions better than we can the victories.
I wish I hadn’t been as hard on my kids as I was at times. I wish I hadn’t lost my temper like I did too many times. I wish I would have turned them to scripture more for positive teaching instead of focusing on what they did wrong. I wish I had been a better example with fewer (well, actually with zero) failings and missteps. I wish I would have enjoyed the good times more, done more things with them, made more time for them and created better memories. I say all that and my kids have never told me I didn’t do enough of the good or too much of the bad.
As I think about me as a parent, I also think about God and my journey with him. As a parent I tried to never make my kids do something or punish them without explanation. God doesn’t work that way so much. I’m in a situation now where I’m not sure if he’s trying to teach me something, punishing me for something or a combination of both. Whatever it is he’s doing, he is doing it without explanation. I don’t know why I’m going through this season or what I am supposed to learn from it. Those are no-no’s in the parenting world on this earth. I think God calls it faith.
I have faith but also keep asking God to reveal to me the reasons and the plan to move out of this season and into a new one. I’m ready for a fresh start. Of course, I have some thoughts on how the fresh start should look and I’m not sure if God agrees but I hope he will consider my hopes and dreams knowing I want to walk in his will.
Parenting isn’t easy. While God is God, he is still dealing with some imperfect children…and imperfect parents. Please God, give us more revelation as a parent and as a child. Love us through the hard times and the good times. Guide us and protect us. Give us the best of what you have for us Lord.
Grace and peace.